Bet The Neighbour...

don't ask me why i'm humming to Trey Songz - Bet The Neighbours Know My Name..

hmmm... but dayummm that tremaine is a cutie...

sigh..

mmm.. n oh yeah..

MERRY XMAS TO EVERYONE CELEBRATING!!



ps: usher music getting whack. r kelly bores the hell out of me with whatever he been releasing lately.

Here We Goes..

how time flies...

that's what we said when it hits december and you starts to reflect on what has taken place for the past 11 months or so.

me, well....

i been through anger, disappointment, health scare, reunited and a certain lost.

i'm not enjoying my work right now. there are days, i don't mind the work but immediate supervisor sucks major. there's certainly some kind of bullshitting going on. i'm about done with office politics. in conclusion, i work to pay bills.

i have a health scare. thank gawd it was nothing serious. doc suspected i might have gall stone and need an operation. after going through all the necessary tests, it seems i'm healthy as a bull. however, something bothers me and when they suggest i go through endoscope i must have turn pale as white sheet.

Me: urhhh doc.. instead of having to put the tube down my throat.. uhh can't we do it.. yanno uhhh.. the other way round.

Doc: the other way round?

Me: yanno.. uhh.. mmm... the.. uhhh (i nearly say ass).. uhh derriere

Doc (smiling): actually it going to hurt more if we go through that option.

(which makes me wonder is he had it done before)

Me: uhh.. i can't do the throat thingy i'm gonna gag and throw up.

Doc: i can understand. i'm worried it would cause a tear along the passage.

Me: mmm.. uhh.. i don't wanna.

Sigh, doc set me up for another appointment in jan 2010. So much for having peace of mind.

I reunited with 2 of my bestfriends from secondary school (high school). Both of them married with kids and they seems happy. Gawd I never realize how much I miss them till we meet up. And yes, I'm jealous that they have family of their own with kids in tow. Me.. everywhere I go, my shadow keeps me company.

I did not travel far this year, due to several reasons. Hopefully I can do so next year. Maybe I visit Mr Tennessee..... nahhhhhhh...

With all the events that have taken place for the past 11 months, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a job, a home, friends that I cared for. Grateful mom around (even when she's being a pain). Grateful for all the material possession that I have. Grateful for the quiet life that I been living lately (sometimes too quiet....lol).

In other word..

Amin ( Amen)


and oh yeah i nearly forget..

i won $260 facial voucher for a contest i can hardly remembers. so yeah.. that is sweet =:O)

another disappointment...

i been holding on to this disappointment feeling since yesterday. i thought i would feel ok and it will just blew away like the wind.

i was so confident that i will get the job through inter-dept transfer because i have the extra skill that i felt the rest is lacking. i been preparing mentally to accept the extra workload, the new responsibility. i was prepared because i was that confident. but i was wrong.

i wonder what i lacked that they felt i would not be a contributor to the dept. sigh. i even psyched myself not to stress about not getting the job. if its meant to be, its meant to be. nonetheless, when i read the email, i felt crushed.

i was so piss yesterday after reading the email. yeah i was piss for a good 30 minutes that the devil in me came out. yeah i was jealous. i had to calm my ass, thank gawd i was attending a whole day course, i don't have to fake happiness. gaaawwwdddddddd am i such a bad person??!!

on the way home, i told myself maybe this is for the better. for we can only plan, its the big guy upstairs that give the final push. i decided that this will be another BLESSING IN DISGUISE. for what we think is good for us, may not be good in his eyes.

with that thought in mind, i breathe, release, let go.

this much i know, i'm a much better worker than one of the *successful* candidates. so be it, it's their lost...

breathe, exhale, breathe, let go...

Pieces...

coming to work on monday morning, glancing through my work email is one news i least expected to receive.

right now, my heart is broken to pieces for i'm losing the one person i truly cares and love for. i felt like my oxygen supplied has been cut off. the one part of me that i hold close and dear to my heart is gone.

i'm not being dramatic, for the tears i'm holding back is threatening to flow down my face and all i could think of is why...

oh gawd my heart ache..

Letting Go..

sometime in life we have to let go of things...

right now, i have to let go of people. people that at one point are close to me and means something for we shared moment of happiness/sadness/stupidity .. etc.

its hard... i'm hoping that we could still try and amend the wrong we did. the strain and slow death of friendship is not worth hanging on too.

i don't want it if its only one side clapping. i'm slowly letting go of this toxic friends that at one point in my life i called family.

i can't help but feel such sadness in my heart.

=:O(

I had a scare...

i had a sudden sharp pain on my right side that i had to stop from walking for about five minutes and wait till it the pain subsides. a couple of hours later, it came back with a vengeance. the pain moves from the right side of my tummy to the left and it became so bloated and discomfort that i can't lie on my back or side cuz of the pain. i can't even burp or fart!!

mom starts rubbing hot ointment hoping that it will help to reduce the discomfort but not much. the next morning i went to see the GP and he immediately sent me to hospital A & E for further check up. he suspected that it could be gall stone. after having blood, urine, xray test done on me, it seems all my vital organs is fine!! the only conclusion is a major muscle spasm. since the xray do not show any sign of gall stone, i was not admitted to the hospital but was given 3 days rest at home plus tonnes of relaxer and pain killers. i do have to come back for check on friday. but what bothers me right now is the pain or should i say discomfort comes and goes and i'm not sure if its muscle spasm cuz the relaxer is not really working.

guess i will have to bring this up when i see the doc again.

i have to admit, i was scared. i don't like hospital and i hate waiting for test results. i can't afford to be sick cuz i have no one else to look after mom.

i'm making an effort to watch what i eat........ sigh... but its soooooooooo hard.. i love food too much!!!